It's often easy to think that the way we feel is a result of whether good or bad things happen. But actually, the way we think about what happens to us is more important than the events themselves. The things that happen in our lives are not good or bad in themselves; it's the way we think about them that makes them either positive or negative. Thinking positively is not always easy. When things are not going your way, or something very upsetting happens, it is all too easy to start feeling down about everything. However, positive thinking is a skill that can be learned.
People tend to have a positive or a negative way of explaining events to themselves. This is called an optimistic or a pessimistic thinking style. For example, imagine that:
These are normal, everyday disappointments. There could be a number of different explanations for why they have occurred. Usually, we don't know the "real" reason, so we "make up" an explanation that makes sense to us. Pessimists and optimists differ in the way they explain such events to themselves. Pessimists tend to assume that the reason for a negative event occurring is:
Optimists tend to assume the reason is:
For example, if a pessimist was rejected for a date, they might explain it as due to their being "ugly", a general characteristic that is permanent and personal! An optimist, however, would look at it differently. They might see the rejection as being due to the person being interested in someone else, a situation that is specific, possibly temporary, and not their fault.
Try to think of a disappointing situation from your own life recently. How did you explain this situation to yourself? Can you imagine any other possible explanation?
Thought stopping is a technique for managing negative thoughts. Negative thoughts are unhelpful thinking patterns. They are often sweeping, pessimistic generalisations, such as:
If you think carefully about these statements, you'll probably realise pretty quickly that they are not entirely accurate. But these kinds of thoughts can make you feel pretty rotten and depressed, and make it difficult to take any steps towards solving your problems.
Thought stopping means noticing when you are having one of these unhelpful, negative types of thoughts and saying "stop!" to yourself, then replacing the negative generalisations with a more positive thought about the situation. This may take some practice! Negative thoughts become a habit, and it may take some persistence to change the thinking pattern.
Thought stopping can also be used to change other unhelpful thinking patterns, such as worrying and obsessing.
