The ability to solve problems is an important skill for resiliency. Life always brings new problems. These problems can take may forms: they may be relationship problems, problems with work or study, health problems or social problems. Without a way of solving these problems as they arise, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless. Fortunately, although some problems may be harder to solve than others, good problem solvers usually apply the same approach to solving any problem. Once you learn this approach, it can easily be applied to any type of problem.
Being a good problem solver is a bit like being a scientist. You think up ideas and carry out experiments to see what works. If your first experiment doesn't work, then you try something different until you succeed. The diagram on the right shows how this works.
This might seem obvious, but before you can solve a problem you need to identify what the problem is. Let's imagine that you are having problem studying and can't really concentrate. You know you have a problem because exams are coming up. But what is the real problem? When you think about it, you realise that the next door neighbour's loud music is making it hard to concentrate. Knowing what the real problem is makes it much easier to solve.
The next step is coming up with some ideas about ways you might solve the problem. At this stage, you just try to think up as many possible solutions as you can without worrying too much if they are good ideas or bad ones. For example, for the problem of the noisy neighbour, you might think of these solutions:
The next step is to choose what seems to be the best of these possible solutions to act on. Out of the solutions you thought of for the noisy neighbour problem, you might decide that moving out of home is a stupid idea. You also think that going to the library is not really practical. Perhaps you feel nervous about approaching the neighbours, so you decide to try the ear muffs.
Having tried the solution, now you have to see if your solution worked. After trying the ear muffs, you find that they don't really block out enough of the noise, and you still feel distracted. So you go back to your list of solutions for another option. As you've decided that the library is not convenient, you realise you'll have to be assertive and confront the neighbour. You speak to the neighbour, who apologises and turns down the music. Problem solved!
Some problems are relatively simple and easy to solve once you put your mind to it. But others aren't. For example, problems in romantic relationships can often be very hard for the people involved to solve on their own. This is because the problem is often quite complex. Problems can be hard to solve because:
What can you do if you are faced with a problem like this? Here are some ideas:
Unfortunately, some problems can't be solved quickly, or at all. Sometimes only the passing of time will make a difference. If someone close to you dies, there is no "solution" to the grief and sadness you feel. In this case, what becomes important is not problem solving, but how you cope with a hard situation. "Coping skills" is the term used to describe the ways we deal with stresses in our life that we can't change. Perhaps the idea that coping involves skills is a new idea to you. Often people think of coping as being the same as "putting up with" something. Actually, there's a lot more involved than that.
There are many ways to deal with stress. Some of these ways are more healthy and positive than others. Some ways of coping can actually make things worse, although they feel good at the time. Healthy ways of coping might include:
There are also some ways of coping that can be healthy if you use them a bit, but unhealthy if you use them too much. For example:
Then there are coping strategies that are usually unhealthy, like:
